So here I am world...

So here I am world. It's my first crack at "blogging." Heard so much about it from my friend who swears it's great, so here I am.

How sadly this feels like a confessional on MTV's the Real World, but sadly I did not have sex with someone's boyfriend in a hot tub even though I have a boyfriend of my own in podunk Idaho or something. No diss to anyone from Idaho, but you got to admit it ain't the most exciting of places.

I am a writer, always have been always will be and that is why this really intrigues me. I think I was afraid to be a writer when I was getting into college so I picked a "safe" career. I would not call psychotherapy a "safe" career but I ended up being a therapist (or at least a therapist in training). I don't think I want to be a therapist anymore. I feel so tired and done with it. I felt so tired that last month I stopped seeing clients all together and now I want to quit my 9-5 gig which is also in the mental health field. I am crispy, toasty DONE. I am over it. The things that used to be important to me aren't anymore. I don't care that I am not working hard at being an account manager. I could give a fuck. I don't feel like I can be myself in any way at my job. I play the part of some meek, quiet, non-confrontational, conservative librarian. I am SO not that, if only everyone knew. I laugh at what people think of me, but it's also very sad because they have no idea who I am. I feel like I created this persona to protect myself. Well, now it has backfired. I have protected myself but I feel totally alienated and disconnected from everyone. A big part of me is just screaming "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, THIS IS NOT YOU!" It's never been me, me has been a lie. My own boyfriend (who I met at work) doesn't even know me. How sad and pathetic is that shit? That one is a totally different blogging session.

I want something where I can be myself and not have to hide behind policies and procedures. The people I work with are nice, well at least some of them are, but I am over it. I am in the middle of a conundrum. I just want to leave it all behind and start new again. I am kicking my own ass about my previous decisions. I just feel I need to figure out how to get out. This is where I am stuck.